Life-buoy
by Pluytje
Summary: A short story about how Chi Chi and Gohan deal with Goku's absence/death - complete


  
  
  
A/N: If anyone of you have read my story 'Babytalk' you might know I have a thing with the sad part of the lives of DBZ-characters. This is such a story, but there's a little more to it.  
Just two months ago my mothers boyfriend died (my parents are divorced) and even though he wasn't my father I miss him a lot. I'm also trying to help my mom deal with it. I needed something to express my feelings in, so I thought of this story. The middle and last part are kind of based on things that really happened in my live and my moms.  
Anyway, I don't belive anyone is very interested in my personal life, so just go ahead and read. Oh and please review!! 

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ... bla, bla, bla, yackedy, smackedy...   
  
  


***

**Life-buoy**

  
  
It was night and the pale starlight falling through a crack in the curtains was the only light in the room. That didn't matter to him at all, his keen vision allowed him to see perfectly in the dim light. Gohan softly rocked the small child in his arms, humming a little lullaby. It had fallen asleep several minutes ago, but he didn't want to lay the baby in its crib just yet. He felt better holding on to the small form like he was protecting this precious little life. Like his father had done with him. Goku might not always have been there, but in the years he was, he'd always be right there when Gohan needed him. _Until the very end…_ He thought with a bitter smile. Right now he was trying to do everything in his power to be like that, to the young child asleep in his strong arms. He was trying to make up for what he did; for what he still blamed himself off. His strong hand softly ran through the baby's black spiky locks.   
"It's my fault you don't have a daddy my little brother." He softly whispered. "But I promise I'll always be there for you Goten and I'll do the best I can." A sad smile spread across his face as he finally laid the boy down and pulled the covers up on him. "Goodnight little bro." He planted a small kiss on his baby brothers' cheek and then quietly slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him.  
The distance between Gotens and his room was taken on tiptoe as not to awaken his mother. He'd offered to take care of the baby tonight, so she'd have some time off. It was something he did often, especially when his mom seemed to have a rough day. When he turned to her bedroom, he noticed the door was ajar. Curiously he scooted over to the room, but a quick glance confirmed his suspicion; she wasn't there. Another sad smile graced his face when he slowly made his way to the kitchen.  
  


***

Chi Chi was there alright, sitting at the kitchen table with a heartbreaking look on her face. She was staring at the far wall. Yet her eyes seemed focused. His gaze followed hers and came to rest upon a dent in the wall and he understood. He remembered exactly how and when the dent had gotten there.  
It had been a few days before the Cell Games and he'd come barging in from outside to have lunch. Unfortunately his mother was behind the door when he flung it open. The strength with which he did this, send her flying straight to the wall. Somewhere in mid-flight strong arms wrapped around her and she was slowed down. Nevertheless they hit the wall pretty hard and left a dent. (A/N: Gohan is really strong, remember? ^_~) Goku had then picked her up and looked down on his wives face with a worried smile.   
"Are you all right?" She'd nodded and wiped the crumbs of his face. That was the only time Gohan had seen his dad leave his food for anything. His father had kissed Chi Chi's forehead and carried her to her seat.  
It was one of the rare memories he had of his dad being so openly caring for his mom. And the dent was still there, not removed like all the others they'd made in the house over the years. No, it had been sitting there for over two years and Gohan didn't believe his mother would ever get it fixed. It somehow proved, that Goku had once lived here and that he had cared. Tears stung in his eyes, but he pushed them away. There was no time for them now; he'd save them for later; like he always did.   
The young man silently sat down on a chair next to his mom.   
"How do you feel today?"   
She looked at him, with eyes that seemed on the verge of crying. It was like she was trying to decide whether or not to tell him.   
"I feel like I'm being sucked into a pitch-black whirlpool."   
"Do you need me to be a life-buoy?"   
She smiled a weary smile. "Would you?"   
"Off course, but you'll have to let me know when you think you're drowning. I can't help you if you don't."   
It was silent for some time; Chi Chi had taken to staring at the wall again. Gohan was looking down at his hands on the table. Suddenly he heard a sob. When he looked next to him he saw a few small tears running down his moms face.   
"Why did I have to love him that much?" she choked.   
He put an arm around her trembling shoulders. "Because he was a wonderful man and he loved you equally that much."   
She let out another loud sob. "But he's not here anymore."   
"They always say: 'It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.' Isn't that true?"   
She smiled weakly through her tears. "It is, but that doesn't make the pain of the loss go away."   
He squeezed her shoulders gently. "Besides, he's still here mom; he'll always be here."   
Tears were now flowing freely down her cheeks. "In spirit yes." For a moment she was lost in her crying. "He can't hold me anymore." The little control she'd had left shattered and she cried out in pain and sorrow.   
Gohan pulled her chair right next to his and circled his arms around her. "I'm not daddy, but I'll hold you if you need it." He whispered.   
She was now shaking heavily; her body arched like she was in physical pain and still the tears and sobs continued. Her face was buried in his shoulder and she was soaking his shirt. He pulled her a little closer and stroked her back. About fifteen minutes later she'd calmed down a bit. He wiped the tears from her red eyes and damp face.   
"You should go get some rest mom."   
She nodded and got up, so did he. He stood an inch taller than she; he'd grown so much. A small grateful smile appeared on her face. She stood on tiptoe and kissed his forehead.   
"Thank you Gohan."   
"That's what life-buoys are for." He grinned and watched her leave the kitchen and then headed after her to his own room.   
  


***

He didn't turn the light on, nor did he bother to take off his clothes. His body fell on the bed hard, but his grieving soul didn't notice. He curled up on his sheets and let the drops from is eyes leave trails on his face. There weren't many of them; he'd found some kind of peace concerning his fathers death. Yet his mom was right, nothing could make the pain of the loss go away completely. But she wouldn't see him cry, he had to be strong for her. For her and Goten.   
Chi Chi undid her bun and let her hair fall down along her face. She put on her nightgown and put her clothes away, keeping things tidy as always. A deep sigh escaped her lips when she looked at her bed and the side that was always empty now. Her arms encircled her, she felt tears coming again. Then there was a small tingling at her back. Her eyes went wide; it seemed so familiar, so… _cheerful_. She gasped and a tear escaped from the corner of her eye.   
"I miss you Goku." The feeling became stronger and warmer it flowed across her spine and slowly filled the rest of her body, as if to offer her some comfort. Yet another smile made to her face. "Don't worry Goku, I'll survive, I'll be all right." The warmth faded, but still remained. She crawled under the covers and slowly moved to his side of the bed. Then she snuggled into the pillow, taking in his smell that still lingered there.   
"I'll be all right…" she sighed before she fell into a dreamless sleep.   


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End file.
